lunacy. emptiness. panic. delusion. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kingheechul) wrote2011-11-08 03:10 am
kingheechul) wrote2011-11-08 03:10 am
love, call it pain
title: love, call it pain
pairing: yoochun/junsu, changmin/junsu
genre: angst, au!highschool
rating: r
length: oneshot
summary: Junsu is a stupid masochist and Yoochun has to learn when enough is enough. Changmin comes in the picture and everything just gets complicated after that.
a/n; UHH..IDK WHAT TO DO WITH THE TITLE SO... THERE WILL BE A CHANGE OF POV SO PLEASE DON'T GET CONFUSED. AND I HAVE ISSUES WITH TENSES TOO. THIS WAS STARTED A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO BUT I NEVER GOT TO FINISH. SUPPOSED TO BE DOING SOME THESIS SHIT BUT MY CREATIVE JUICES ARE RUNNING DRY.
They are not exclusively dating nor are they in a serious relationship. Friends with benefits, that is all there is to it. But in actuality, you could call it an unrequited love. Junsu doesn’t seem to mind though. Well, he really doesn’t mind at all. He is hopelessly and insanely in love with Park Yoochun but he knows his feelings would never be reciprocated so he settled with being a person to run to for comfort— a fuck buddy. After all, it’s the farthest he could go on with the other.
It was a week after his confession when Yoochun came up to him, pinning him on the wall, whispering huskily in his ears, “Be my slave.” Junsu agrees, with not much hesitation. It was right then and there when he realized he would do anything and everything for Park Yoochun.
So to say, Junsu was pretty much satisfied with whatever he and Yoochun has although his friends are pretty much against it.
Park Yoochun wasn’t in love. He hasn’t been in love and was never in love. He doesn’t believe in love as he thinks it’s complete and utter bullshit. When he first saw Junsu, he was sexually attracted and he knew he would eventually get in the newcomer’s pants. And he did, with no effort at all. Junsu was a willing subject.
He wants nothing to do with Junsu other than screw the life out of him. Everything’s about sex and it will remain that way.
“Aren’t you jealous?” Junsu spares a glance at his curious friend who has his eyes on Yoochun shamelessly flirting with another guy at the other end of the cafeteria.
“I am,” he receives an incredulous from the other but he chooses to ignore it. “I don’t have to explain it to you again, do I?”
“You look rather calm and it scares me.”
“Then what should I be feeling? You have to keep in mind that I don’t have the right to feel jealous. I’m nothing more than his sex slave.” His friend could only look at him sympathetically. He knows Junsu is hurting deep down inside.
-
Junsu has countless of love confessions from students but he doesn’t accept any of it because his heart is only for Park Yoochun. He would politely decline each and every one of them and of course, out of the bunch, there’s this one persistent person who would do everything just to receive Junsu’s sweet yes.
His name is Shim Changmin, a straight A sophomore student whom Junsu has seen only on a few occasions because really, he doesn’t look at anyone else but Yoochun. Well, not literally. Junsu barely pays attention to him but it seems like he doesn’t really mind. His persistence is not a joke and it annoys Junsu.
“Who was that?” the bastard’s deep baritone voice greets Junsu in the deserted hallway. “I saw you…with that sophie.”
Junsu trembles in fear. Usually, when Yoochun uses that deep bedroom voice, it only means one thing: he won’t be able to walk for days. “Ah, he’s…he’s no one Yoochun ah. Why did you call me out?”
A chuckle escapes Yoochun’s lips, wrapping an arm around Junsu’s waist as he pulls him close…pressing himself closer, rubbing up against the shivering male. His hands travelled up over Junsu’s back, way up his hair, tugging on it and curling some locks into his fingers as he pulls at the strands making Junsu hiss. Whether it was in pain or pleasure, Yoochun didn’t care. He was pleased at the reaction he’s getting. A smirk plays on his lips.
“Janitor’s closet…now.”
-
Junsu should’ve known better than to go home limping like a dishrag. His stepbrother doesn’t need to bombard him with questions to know what’s going on. He doesn’t say a thing but Junsu knows he’s pissed at him. I’m sorry, he wanted to say. I’m sorry because no matter how much he tries to resist the temptation that is Park Yoochun, he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.
“Go to your room, I’ll give you a massage.” Yunho, the stepbrother, orders with a very authoritative voice. His twin brother, Junho, is out and frankly, he would choose Yunho over his twin during situations like this.
“Yunho hyung I—“
“Shut up and go to sleep.” the older of the two says harshly, tucking Junsu to bed. He leans close and gives him a light kiss on the forehead. “I would beg on my knees if that could make you stop this.”
That night, Junsu cries himself to sleep.
-
He is stupid. He is so fucking stupid and curses himself out loud for his stupidity. He doesn’t realize that he’s not just hurting himself but the people around him as well— the people who deeply cares for him.
They are hurting because of him. But all he could do is silently apologize. Yoochun is too precious. He couldn’t leave him. No, please no. Anything but that.
“I really wanna pound your head on the wall.”
Junsu nods, forcing out a tight smile. “Thanks Hyukjae. I think I really need that.”
“Open your heart, but use your head.”
-
Junsu holds back a moan. His skin feels hot and his nerves are on fire. He shuts his eyes close, drawing deep, deep breaths to regain some control. As he looks at Yoochun again, he could feel his intense gaze. He nods, he's ready.
He matches his rhythm, arching his hips up to meet his next powerful thrust, letting their momentum do the work as they both struggled to breathe. Yoochun begins pounding hard as if trying to rip Junsu's ass. He could feel his cock swelling even more as he cums hard inside the panting man under him. He rides out his orgasm until his cock has emptied.
Yoochun is satisfied, very much satisfied. He's had other guys but Junsu is his favorite. There's something special about Junsu but he couldn't figure out what it is.
Much to his surprise though, Junsu is tearing up. He detaches himself from him and a frown appears on his face. "Why?"
"I...I don't want this." his head snaps up to stare at the crying man. "I don't want this anymore, Yoochun. Please, just let me go, I'm tired."
"I thought you love me." Yoochun could be even more selfish when he chooses to. "Kim Junsu, I don't know what has gotten into you. I'm giving you what you want, why are you pushing me away?"
"I don't want you for your body goddamnit!" he definitely is stunned at the sudden outburst. "This will be the last time I'm giving myself to you." He watches as Junsu dresses up (with much difficulty) and limps his way out of the locker room.
-
"Junsu sunbae!" said man stops on his tracks as he waits for the younger man to catch up with him. "You don't look so well. Are you si—"
"Changmin will you go out with me?"
"Well I...I don't...are you...I...I...of course!"
Junsu could only force out a smile as Changmin envelopes him in a bone-crushing hug. He's happy. He's gonna be happy. He has to be happy.
Letting Yoochun go is a big deal but letting Changmin in his life is an even bigger deal. It might seem like he's using Changmin to forget Yoochun but hey, it's a start.
"I say you're crazy." Hyukjae tells him one day. He sips on his orange juice and shrugs. "As far as I'm concerned, that Changmin kid is nice. How could you use him?"
"If I want to forget about Yoochun, I have to do something. Changmin likes me, I'm giving him a chance, I don't see how that's a bad thing."
"But he's hoping, Junsu. What if...what if you don't forget about him?"
"I...I will."
"You better. I don't want news spreading around the campus that you made a junior cry."
Junsu is just as hopeful as Changmin.
-
Busy doing his hair for his date with Changmin, Junsu jumps in surprise when his doorbell rings. "He's too early." he says particularly to no one. You could just imagine the shock he's in when he sees none other than Yoochun at his doorstep. "What do you want?"
"You. Junsu I—"
"No! Park Yoochun ssi, I believe I have nothing to do with you anymore. Now please, if you don't mind, get out of here before my boyfriend arrives. I don't want him having unpleasant thoughts."
"Boyfriend? Yah, Kim Junsu!"
"What's happening here?"
Junsu couldn't be any more thankful at the arrival of Changmin. He hurriedly runs to his side and takes a hold of his hand. "He's no one, Changmin. C'mon, let's go inside."
"Isn't he Park Yoochun sunbae?" Changmin asks. Junsu would very much appreciate it if Changmin stops asking questions. "What's he doing here?"
"You're that sophie!" Yoochun butts in, pointing an accusing finger at Changmin. "You're Junsu's boyfriend?!" he chuckles in disbelief.
"What a fucked up world! I'm not done with you Junsu. I am not."
Yoochun walks away. Junsu shivers at his words. And Changmin just stares at Yoochun's retreating figure, confused.
Changmin questions Junsu, of course. He asks why Yoochun was there and why does it seem like he wants to kill me?
You wouldn't wanna know, Junsu wants to say but he doesn't. Instead, he flashes the other a smile and squeezes his hand tight. "Let's go."
-
If anything, Junsu didn't expect Yoochun to be such a stalker. If he didn't know better, he would think Yoochun probably wants him back and is extremely jealous of Changmin but really, who's he kidding? Yoochun would never like him. And that fact sucks. He would feel the man following him everywhere. And everywhere meant every-fucking-where. It was creepy.
He tells Hyukjae about it but the man laughs at him, saying he's having delusions while patting him on the back. He doesn't appreciate that and gives his best friend his well-deserved slap on the arm. "I'm not like you Hyukjae. I hate you right now."
"You know I was kidding!"
"But this isn't a good time to joke around! I am serious! I feel like he'll kidnap me anytime." and now he jokes but Hyukjae takes him seriously. "Don't look at me like that. Who knows what he's capable of."
"You're right man. He made you his sex slave, it won't be hard for him to kidnap you."
"You're what?!" They both freeze, not wanting to turn around and meet an obviously furious Changmin who stomps towards Junsu and harshly turns him around, demanding for an answer. "What is it that I heard? Is it true? That you're Park Yoochun sunbae's s-se...sex slave?" It was very hard and awkward for Changmin to utter those words but he needs an answer...now
Junsu takes a deep breath, taking Changmin's trembling hands into his. Hyukjae takes this as his cue to leave, to give the lovers some privacy. "First of all, don't refer to him as your sunbae, believe me, he's not worthy to be called as something like that. And to answer your question, I was once his...his...that...but I'm not anymore."
"Why?" was all Changmin could say in response.
It's time, Junsu thinks. It's time to tell Changmin the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. If he wants this relationship to work out, the least he could do is be honest.
-
Changmin flipped out. Of course he did, who wouldn't? He thought it was crazy and he wasn't afraid to tell Junsu that. To find out about Junsu and Yoochun's past hurt him a lot. But what hurts him more is the thought that Junsu might be using him as a replacement, as a rebound. He knows even from the start that Junsu doesn't like him the way he does but he hoped that Junsu at least feels something for him.
He could hear Junsu calling his name but he doesn't turn around. He refuses to. He continues to run aimlessly, ignoring the pain. Whether it was the pain from running or the pain in his heart, he doesn't know. He doesn't want to know. He doesn't even know if he has the right to act like he's acting right now because it was all in the past. And the present's supposed to matter. The past doesn't involve him and he should stay out of it. Besides, Junsu said he likes him. Oh wait, did he?
No, he didn't.
-
"He didn't take it so well, I see." Junsu turns around and sees a smirking Park Yoochun leaning against the wall. "Hi."
"Leave me alone, Park."
"I can't. Not after seeing your too-coward-of-a-boyfriend boyfriend run away from you."
"He's not a coward and please don't talk to me!" he turns on his heel, ready to walk away from the bastard that is Park Yoochun when the bastard grabs him by the arm and before he could comprehend what's happening, Park's lips is against his. He struggles, trying to push him away but gives up soon enough. Fromsexperience, Yoochun's strength is no joke so Junsu doesn't see the point of pushing him away. He doesn't respond to the kiss though, and that is enough to piss Yoochun off.
"Does he kiss better than I do? Huh? Is that why you're pushing me away?"
Junsu couldn't take the craziness anymore so he decides to give Yoochun a piece of his stressed out mind. He slaps him hard and glares at him just as hard. "I've had enough of your cockiness, Park Yoochun. When I told you to stay away from me, I meant every single word. What am I to you? A toy? Something you can use when you're raging hormones are—"
"I like you! I like you okay? I know I'm not supposed to like you but I do. I just didn't realize it sooner."
Junsu snorts, "It's too late for that now, is it?" and leaves.
-
Why?
I wanna know why, of all times, he has to confess his feelings right now. I'm not even sure if he was telling the truth or he was just messing with me. He sounded sincere but still, why? I'm with Changmin now. I can't leave him just because Yoochun said he likes me. He likes me, but he doesn't love me. And Changmin loves me.
I'm a mess and it's all Yoochun's fault. I should hate him but no matter how much I try to make myself hate him, I end up falling deeper in love. In all honesty, I felt really happy that he likes me back. I didn't know he harbored such feelings and if I wasn't this pissed at him, we would probably be together now. But I'm not stupid. Well, I'd like to think I'm not.
I hurt Changmin a lot and I don't wanna do it again. The least I could do for the hurt I've caused him is stay by his side and never leave him. All this drama happening in my life is really ridiculous. I didn't know love could be this powerful. There is something I regret and if I haven't done that, then all of this won't be happening. I guess I was too blinded by love.
As soon as I got home and found Yunho waiting for me, I dashed towards him and hugged him very tight, crying. I cried my frustrations out and I know he understands me, he always does. And I love him very, very much. "Hyung..." I choke out. "I...I can't do this anymore."
"What happened?"
Upon recovering from the extreme sobbing, I managed to tell Yunho hyung every single thing, from loving Yoochun to hating him although deep inside I know I still love him. I also mentioned Changmin and how I selfishly used him as a replacement for Park Yoochun. I might have said that he was never a replacement but who was I fooling?
"I'm a terrible person, hyung. I..."
"No, sweetie, you are not. Listen to me," he cups my cheeks and I could see that he's very much worried about me. "Everybody makes mistakes. You, I and everybody else, we all make mistakes. This doesn't make you a terrible person, Junsu. But you should never ever do something like this again. You've made this mistake once, never do it again. Learn something from this and it'll make you a better person."
-
"Hey,"
"Hey."
"I'm sorry. I wasn't supposed to hurt you but I ended up doing it. I messed up, didn't I?"
"I'm at fault too you know. It wasn't any of my business but I insisted."
"Are we okay now?"
"Yeah, sure. But I don't think I can handle being your boyfriend anymore. I mean, after knowing about your past and all."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm a coward. I can't do it. I can't stand seeing you without having inappropriate images of you and Yoochun sunbae. I'm sorry, I can't."
Just like that, Junsu lets Changmin go. He would be a liar if he says it doesn’t hurt. It does, but not as much.
-
“I heard,”
“Yeah?”
“Hmm…I’m all ears.”
“I didn’t want to, but he insisted saying the he can’t stand seeing me without having to think of Park Yoochun, too.”
“Too bad then. He was a nice kid.”
“He still is, Hyukjae. I’m just being stupid.”
“Again.”
“Hey!” he slaps Hyukjae’s arm. “That was not nice.” and he slaps him a few more times for good measure.
As Junsu is abusing his poor arm further, Hyukjae sees Yoochun’s figure approaching them. “I’m leaving.” He announces, detaching himself from the violent man.
Junsu stops, looks at the direction where Hyukjae is staring and grips on his arm. “You are not leaving me here.” His grip on the poor boy tightens more until Yoochun stops in front of them. He refuses to meet his eyes.
“Donghae,” was the only thing Yoochun said and Hyukjae is out of their sight. Junsu curses inwardly. The smile on Yoochun’s face makes him want to just kick him in the balls until he couldn’t walk. “Hello!” Yoochun finally speaks with much enthusiasm that Junsu wants to puke. Not really. “My name is Park Yoochun and I like you. I hope we can be friends!” he sticks out his hand in which Junsu reluctantly shakes.
“What are you doing?”
Yoochun shrugs, putting an arm over Junsu’s shoulder as if it’s the most casual thing. “Now that sophie boy’s out of the way, I think it’s about time for us to start anew.” He lets his arm fall limply to his side as he looks at Junsu with so much sincerity that Junsu thinks he’s gonna cry. “Let us forget the past and have a fresh start. I know I probably don’t have a right to ask you this because I’ve been anything but good to you—“
“Damn right.”
“—so please let me have this second chance. I’m not making a promise because I suck at promises but I can assure you that I would never hurt you again emotionally, spiritually, mentally and in all aspects just not physically.” Junsu raises an eyebrow to which Yoochun responds, “Because baby, I could never take my hands off you. You know how much I love that ass of yours.”
Junsu snorts, crossing both arms on his chest. “This isn’t a fairytale, Yoochun. After all that you’ve done, you can’t tell me you like me and expect that I still feel the same way. Real life sucks. This is real life, therefore, it sucks.”
“Yah, you’re saying as if this whole thing is my fault! Why did you agree then? You could’ve punched me and said no when I asked you to be my slave.”
“You think I could actually do that? That time, I was in a state where I would do anything and everything for you. And you think that was a question? It was more like a threat you moron!”
Yoochun sighed and raised both arms in defeat. “Fine! We’re both at fault but like I said, it’s all in the past. Can’t we start again? You know,” Junsu gasps when Yoochun takes a hold of both his hands. “I deeply apologize for everything I’ve done. I’m willing to take one step at a time. I mean, we can be friends but I hope you’ll be able to open up your heart for me…again.”
“I don’t know Yoochun. You’ve hurt me real bad the last time I gave me heart to you. But if you treat me ice cream after school, I might consider being friends with you.” Junsu says, walking away, leaving a grinning Yoochun.
“Deal!”
pairing: yoochun/junsu, changmin/junsu
genre: angst, au!highschool
rating: r
length: oneshot
summary: Junsu is a stupid masochist and Yoochun has to learn when enough is enough. Changmin comes in the picture and everything just gets complicated after that.
a/n; UHH..IDK WHAT TO DO WITH THE TITLE SO... THERE WILL BE A CHANGE OF POV SO PLEASE DON'T GET CONFUSED. AND I HAVE ISSUES WITH TENSES TOO. THIS WAS STARTED A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO BUT I NEVER GOT TO FINISH. SUPPOSED TO BE DOING SOME THESIS SHIT BUT MY CREATIVE JUICES ARE RUNNING DRY.
They are not exclusively dating nor are they in a serious relationship. Friends with benefits, that is all there is to it. But in actuality, you could call it an unrequited love. Junsu doesn’t seem to mind though. Well, he really doesn’t mind at all. He is hopelessly and insanely in love with Park Yoochun but he knows his feelings would never be reciprocated so he settled with being a person to run to for comfort— a fuck buddy. After all, it’s the farthest he could go on with the other.
It was a week after his confession when Yoochun came up to him, pinning him on the wall, whispering huskily in his ears, “Be my slave.” Junsu agrees, with not much hesitation. It was right then and there when he realized he would do anything and everything for Park Yoochun.
So to say, Junsu was pretty much satisfied with whatever he and Yoochun has although his friends are pretty much against it.
Park Yoochun wasn’t in love. He hasn’t been in love and was never in love. He doesn’t believe in love as he thinks it’s complete and utter bullshit. When he first saw Junsu, he was sexually attracted and he knew he would eventually get in the newcomer’s pants. And he did, with no effort at all. Junsu was a willing subject.
He wants nothing to do with Junsu other than screw the life out of him. Everything’s about sex and it will remain that way.
“Aren’t you jealous?” Junsu spares a glance at his curious friend who has his eyes on Yoochun shamelessly flirting with another guy at the other end of the cafeteria.
“I am,” he receives an incredulous from the other but he chooses to ignore it. “I don’t have to explain it to you again, do I?”
“You look rather calm and it scares me.”
“Then what should I be feeling? You have to keep in mind that I don’t have the right to feel jealous. I’m nothing more than his sex slave.” His friend could only look at him sympathetically. He knows Junsu is hurting deep down inside.
-
Junsu has countless of love confessions from students but he doesn’t accept any of it because his heart is only for Park Yoochun. He would politely decline each and every one of them and of course, out of the bunch, there’s this one persistent person who would do everything just to receive Junsu’s sweet yes.
His name is Shim Changmin, a straight A sophomore student whom Junsu has seen only on a few occasions because really, he doesn’t look at anyone else but Yoochun. Well, not literally. Junsu barely pays attention to him but it seems like he doesn’t really mind. His persistence is not a joke and it annoys Junsu.
“Who was that?” the bastard’s deep baritone voice greets Junsu in the deserted hallway. “I saw you…with that sophie.”
Junsu trembles in fear. Usually, when Yoochun uses that deep bedroom voice, it only means one thing: he won’t be able to walk for days. “Ah, he’s…he’s no one Yoochun ah. Why did you call me out?”
A chuckle escapes Yoochun’s lips, wrapping an arm around Junsu’s waist as he pulls him close…pressing himself closer, rubbing up against the shivering male. His hands travelled up over Junsu’s back, way up his hair, tugging on it and curling some locks into his fingers as he pulls at the strands making Junsu hiss. Whether it was in pain or pleasure, Yoochun didn’t care. He was pleased at the reaction he’s getting. A smirk plays on his lips.
“Janitor’s closet…now.”
-
Junsu should’ve known better than to go home limping like a dishrag. His stepbrother doesn’t need to bombard him with questions to know what’s going on. He doesn’t say a thing but Junsu knows he’s pissed at him. I’m sorry, he wanted to say. I’m sorry because no matter how much he tries to resist the temptation that is Park Yoochun, he couldn’t. He just couldn’t.
“Go to your room, I’ll give you a massage.” Yunho, the stepbrother, orders with a very authoritative voice. His twin brother, Junho, is out and frankly, he would choose Yunho over his twin during situations like this.
“Yunho hyung I—“
“Shut up and go to sleep.” the older of the two says harshly, tucking Junsu to bed. He leans close and gives him a light kiss on the forehead. “I would beg on my knees if that could make you stop this.”
That night, Junsu cries himself to sleep.
-
He is stupid. He is so fucking stupid and curses himself out loud for his stupidity. He doesn’t realize that he’s not just hurting himself but the people around him as well— the people who deeply cares for him.
They are hurting because of him. But all he could do is silently apologize. Yoochun is too precious. He couldn’t leave him. No, please no. Anything but that.
“I really wanna pound your head on the wall.”
Junsu nods, forcing out a tight smile. “Thanks Hyukjae. I think I really need that.”
“Open your heart, but use your head.”
-
Junsu holds back a moan. His skin feels hot and his nerves are on fire. He shuts his eyes close, drawing deep, deep breaths to regain some control. As he looks at Yoochun again, he could feel his intense gaze. He nods, he's ready.
He matches his rhythm, arching his hips up to meet his next powerful thrust, letting their momentum do the work as they both struggled to breathe. Yoochun begins pounding hard as if trying to rip Junsu's ass. He could feel his cock swelling even more as he cums hard inside the panting man under him. He rides out his orgasm until his cock has emptied.
Yoochun is satisfied, very much satisfied. He's had other guys but Junsu is his favorite. There's something special about Junsu but he couldn't figure out what it is.
Much to his surprise though, Junsu is tearing up. He detaches himself from him and a frown appears on his face. "Why?"
"I...I don't want this." his head snaps up to stare at the crying man. "I don't want this anymore, Yoochun. Please, just let me go, I'm tired."
"I thought you love me." Yoochun could be even more selfish when he chooses to. "Kim Junsu, I don't know what has gotten into you. I'm giving you what you want, why are you pushing me away?"
"I don't want you for your body goddamnit!" he definitely is stunned at the sudden outburst. "This will be the last time I'm giving myself to you." He watches as Junsu dresses up (with much difficulty) and limps his way out of the locker room.
-
"Junsu sunbae!" said man stops on his tracks as he waits for the younger man to catch up with him. "You don't look so well. Are you si—"
"Changmin will you go out with me?"
"Well I...I don't...are you...I...I...of course!"
Junsu could only force out a smile as Changmin envelopes him in a bone-crushing hug. He's happy. He's gonna be happy. He has to be happy.
Letting Yoochun go is a big deal but letting Changmin in his life is an even bigger deal. It might seem like he's using Changmin to forget Yoochun but hey, it's a start.
"I say you're crazy." Hyukjae tells him one day. He sips on his orange juice and shrugs. "As far as I'm concerned, that Changmin kid is nice. How could you use him?"
"If I want to forget about Yoochun, I have to do something. Changmin likes me, I'm giving him a chance, I don't see how that's a bad thing."
"But he's hoping, Junsu. What if...what if you don't forget about him?"
"I...I will."
"You better. I don't want news spreading around the campus that you made a junior cry."
Junsu is just as hopeful as Changmin.
-
Busy doing his hair for his date with Changmin, Junsu jumps in surprise when his doorbell rings. "He's too early." he says particularly to no one. You could just imagine the shock he's in when he sees none other than Yoochun at his doorstep. "What do you want?"
"You. Junsu I—"
"No! Park Yoochun ssi, I believe I have nothing to do with you anymore. Now please, if you don't mind, get out of here before my boyfriend arrives. I don't want him having unpleasant thoughts."
"Boyfriend? Yah, Kim Junsu!"
"What's happening here?"
Junsu couldn't be any more thankful at the arrival of Changmin. He hurriedly runs to his side and takes a hold of his hand. "He's no one, Changmin. C'mon, let's go inside."
"Isn't he Park Yoochun sunbae?" Changmin asks. Junsu would very much appreciate it if Changmin stops asking questions. "What's he doing here?"
"You're that sophie!" Yoochun butts in, pointing an accusing finger at Changmin. "You're Junsu's boyfriend?!" he chuckles in disbelief.
"What a fucked up world! I'm not done with you Junsu. I am not."
Yoochun walks away. Junsu shivers at his words. And Changmin just stares at Yoochun's retreating figure, confused.
Changmin questions Junsu, of course. He asks why Yoochun was there and why does it seem like he wants to kill me?
You wouldn't wanna know, Junsu wants to say but he doesn't. Instead, he flashes the other a smile and squeezes his hand tight. "Let's go."
-
If anything, Junsu didn't expect Yoochun to be such a stalker. If he didn't know better, he would think Yoochun probably wants him back and is extremely jealous of Changmin but really, who's he kidding? Yoochun would never like him. And that fact sucks. He would feel the man following him everywhere. And everywhere meant every-fucking-where. It was creepy.
He tells Hyukjae about it but the man laughs at him, saying he's having delusions while patting him on the back. He doesn't appreciate that and gives his best friend his well-deserved slap on the arm. "I'm not like you Hyukjae. I hate you right now."
"You know I was kidding!"
"But this isn't a good time to joke around! I am serious! I feel like he'll kidnap me anytime." and now he jokes but Hyukjae takes him seriously. "Don't look at me like that. Who knows what he's capable of."
"You're right man. He made you his sex slave, it won't be hard for him to kidnap you."
"You're what?!" They both freeze, not wanting to turn around and meet an obviously furious Changmin who stomps towards Junsu and harshly turns him around, demanding for an answer. "What is it that I heard? Is it true? That you're Park Yoochun sunbae's s-se...sex slave?" It was very hard and awkward for Changmin to utter those words but he needs an answer...now
Junsu takes a deep breath, taking Changmin's trembling hands into his. Hyukjae takes this as his cue to leave, to give the lovers some privacy. "First of all, don't refer to him as your sunbae, believe me, he's not worthy to be called as something like that. And to answer your question, I was once his...his...that...but I'm not anymore."
"Why?" was all Changmin could say in response.
It's time, Junsu thinks. It's time to tell Changmin the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. If he wants this relationship to work out, the least he could do is be honest.
-
Changmin flipped out. Of course he did, who wouldn't? He thought it was crazy and he wasn't afraid to tell Junsu that. To find out about Junsu and Yoochun's past hurt him a lot. But what hurts him more is the thought that Junsu might be using him as a replacement, as a rebound. He knows even from the start that Junsu doesn't like him the way he does but he hoped that Junsu at least feels something for him.
He could hear Junsu calling his name but he doesn't turn around. He refuses to. He continues to run aimlessly, ignoring the pain. Whether it was the pain from running or the pain in his heart, he doesn't know. He doesn't want to know. He doesn't even know if he has the right to act like he's acting right now because it was all in the past. And the present's supposed to matter. The past doesn't involve him and he should stay out of it. Besides, Junsu said he likes him. Oh wait, did he?
No, he didn't.
-
"He didn't take it so well, I see." Junsu turns around and sees a smirking Park Yoochun leaning against the wall. "Hi."
"Leave me alone, Park."
"I can't. Not after seeing your too-coward-of-a-boyfriend boyfriend run away from you."
"He's not a coward and please don't talk to me!" he turns on his heel, ready to walk away from the bastard that is Park Yoochun when the bastard grabs him by the arm and before he could comprehend what's happening, Park's lips is against his. He struggles, trying to push him away but gives up soon enough. From
"Does he kiss better than I do? Huh? Is that why you're pushing me away?"
Junsu couldn't take the craziness anymore so he decides to give Yoochun a piece of his stressed out mind. He slaps him hard and glares at him just as hard. "I've had enough of your cockiness, Park Yoochun. When I told you to stay away from me, I meant every single word. What am I to you? A toy? Something you can use when you're raging hormones are—"
"I like you! I like you okay? I know I'm not supposed to like you but I do. I just didn't realize it sooner."
Junsu snorts, "It's too late for that now, is it?" and leaves.
-
Why?
I wanna know why, of all times, he has to confess his feelings right now. I'm not even sure if he was telling the truth or he was just messing with me. He sounded sincere but still, why? I'm with Changmin now. I can't leave him just because Yoochun said he likes me. He likes me, but he doesn't love me. And Changmin loves me.
I'm a mess and it's all Yoochun's fault. I should hate him but no matter how much I try to make myself hate him, I end up falling deeper in love. In all honesty, I felt really happy that he likes me back. I didn't know he harbored such feelings and if I wasn't this pissed at him, we would probably be together now. But I'm not stupid. Well, I'd like to think I'm not.
I hurt Changmin a lot and I don't wanna do it again. The least I could do for the hurt I've caused him is stay by his side and never leave him. All this drama happening in my life is really ridiculous. I didn't know love could be this powerful. There is something I regret and if I haven't done that, then all of this won't be happening. I guess I was too blinded by love.
As soon as I got home and found Yunho waiting for me, I dashed towards him and hugged him very tight, crying. I cried my frustrations out and I know he understands me, he always does. And I love him very, very much. "Hyung..." I choke out. "I...I can't do this anymore."
"What happened?"
Upon recovering from the extreme sobbing, I managed to tell Yunho hyung every single thing, from loving Yoochun to hating him although deep inside I know I still love him. I also mentioned Changmin and how I selfishly used him as a replacement for Park Yoochun. I might have said that he was never a replacement but who was I fooling?
"I'm a terrible person, hyung. I..."
"No, sweetie, you are not. Listen to me," he cups my cheeks and I could see that he's very much worried about me. "Everybody makes mistakes. You, I and everybody else, we all make mistakes. This doesn't make you a terrible person, Junsu. But you should never ever do something like this again. You've made this mistake once, never do it again. Learn something from this and it'll make you a better person."
-
"Hey,"
"Hey."
"I'm sorry. I wasn't supposed to hurt you but I ended up doing it. I messed up, didn't I?"
"I'm at fault too you know. It wasn't any of my business but I insisted."
"Are we okay now?"
"Yeah, sure. But I don't think I can handle being your boyfriend anymore. I mean, after knowing about your past and all."
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm a coward. I can't do it. I can't stand seeing you without having inappropriate images of you and Yoochun sunbae. I'm sorry, I can't."
Just like that, Junsu lets Changmin go. He would be a liar if he says it doesn’t hurt. It does, but not as much.
-
“I heard,”
“Yeah?”
“Hmm…I’m all ears.”
“I didn’t want to, but he insisted saying the he can’t stand seeing me without having to think of Park Yoochun, too.”
“Too bad then. He was a nice kid.”
“He still is, Hyukjae. I’m just being stupid.”
“Again.”
“Hey!” he slaps Hyukjae’s arm. “That was not nice.” and he slaps him a few more times for good measure.
As Junsu is abusing his poor arm further, Hyukjae sees Yoochun’s figure approaching them. “I’m leaving.” He announces, detaching himself from the violent man.
Junsu stops, looks at the direction where Hyukjae is staring and grips on his arm. “You are not leaving me here.” His grip on the poor boy tightens more until Yoochun stops in front of them. He refuses to meet his eyes.
“Donghae,” was the only thing Yoochun said and Hyukjae is out of their sight. Junsu curses inwardly. The smile on Yoochun’s face makes him want to just kick him in the balls until he couldn’t walk. “Hello!” Yoochun finally speaks with much enthusiasm that Junsu wants to puke. Not really. “My name is Park Yoochun and I like you. I hope we can be friends!” he sticks out his hand in which Junsu reluctantly shakes.
“What are you doing?”
Yoochun shrugs, putting an arm over Junsu’s shoulder as if it’s the most casual thing. “Now that sophie boy’s out of the way, I think it’s about time for us to start anew.” He lets his arm fall limply to his side as he looks at Junsu with so much sincerity that Junsu thinks he’s gonna cry. “Let us forget the past and have a fresh start. I know I probably don’t have a right to ask you this because I’ve been anything but good to you—“
“Damn right.”
“—so please let me have this second chance. I’m not making a promise because I suck at promises but I can assure you that I would never hurt you again emotionally, spiritually, mentally and in all aspects just not physically.” Junsu raises an eyebrow to which Yoochun responds, “Because baby, I could never take my hands off you. You know how much I love that ass of yours.”
Junsu snorts, crossing both arms on his chest. “This isn’t a fairytale, Yoochun. After all that you’ve done, you can’t tell me you like me and expect that I still feel the same way. Real life sucks. This is real life, therefore, it sucks.”
“Yah, you’re saying as if this whole thing is my fault! Why did you agree then? You could’ve punched me and said no when I asked you to be my slave.”
“You think I could actually do that? That time, I was in a state where I would do anything and everything for you. And you think that was a question? It was more like a threat you moron!”
Yoochun sighed and raised both arms in defeat. “Fine! We’re both at fault but like I said, it’s all in the past. Can’t we start again? You know,” Junsu gasps when Yoochun takes a hold of both his hands. “I deeply apologize for everything I’ve done. I’m willing to take one step at a time. I mean, we can be friends but I hope you’ll be able to open up your heart for me…again.”
“I don’t know Yoochun. You’ve hurt me real bad the last time I gave me heart to you. But if you treat me ice cream after school, I might consider being friends with you.” Junsu says, walking away, leaving a grinning Yoochun.
“Deal!”