lunacy. emptiness. panic. delusion. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kingheechul) wrote2011-10-31 01:18 am
kingheechul) wrote2011-10-31 01:18 am
Incomplete | 5/5
Title: Incomplete
Pairing: Akanishi/Kamenashi
Genre: drama ; romance ; au!highschool
Rating: PG-13
Length: 5/5
Summary: All Kazuya wanted was for Jin to accept him as his brother. But Jin is intent in making his life miserable.
›› 01 | 02 | 03 | 04
-
“I was kidding okay! I knew you weren’t listening to me. I just had to get your attention. Fuck. What is it with you and your slapping spree?”
Kazuya avoided eye contact with Jin, embarrassed. His hand had a life of its own and once Jin blurted out that too-lame-of-a-confession confession, he lost it. It was ridiculous. Jin was ridiculous.
“You’re ridiculous,” the embarrassed male voiced out, regaining his dignity. “Can’t you be serious just this once?”
After briefly nursing his abused cheek, Jin managed to let out a sad smile. And that smile caused a pang in Kazuya’s heart, for real. “Mom and dad…they miss you like crazy and they begged, you hear me man, begged. They begged me to check if you’re doing well and apparently, you are. So well that you even had to slap me so hard.”
“Shut your trap, Jin. I miss them too, so bad. But if we keep on fighting like this, I don’t think I’ll come back home anytime soon.”
“Is it really me?” the way Jin said it was from the arrogant and self-centered Jin he knows. And he wondered what he’s trying to pull this time. “I mean, it’s not like I wanna keep bickering with you. You never gave me a chance to explain. Well, you did, but you overreacted even before I could actually explain my side. That was unfair you know.”
He could feel the longing in Jin’s voice but…what was he longing for?
“Clearly,” Kazuya gulped, not knowing why he was suddenly sweating like mad. “You and I need to talk…civilly. We’ll straighten things out, tie up loose ends and hopefully, reconcile.”
“Right. I can do that. But,” Jin scanned the place, eyeing something at the far end of the living room. “Are you sure it’s okay to talk here? Because there’s a certain someone trying to be a peeping tom.”
Knowing who the other was talking about, Kazuya half-heartedly handed Junnosuke a couple of bucks to get out of his own house and leave them for a few hours. Junnosuke happily complies because there’s a newly-opened ice cream parlor a couple blocks away and he heard it’s some awesome sauce.
-
Both didn’t think it would be awkward. They have never been in this situation before, therefore, no one knew how to act in situations like this. Being the older one, Jin initiated the conversation. “When I said your presence infuriates me, it was true.” Jin saw how Kazuya stiffened but he tried to ignore it. “I mean, you were brought home one day saying you’ll be my little brother. I was happy, for real. I tried to get close to you but I couldn’t even get close to you, literally, because I thought if I touch you, I would hurt you.”
This was definitely a new side of Jin. This Jin was sincere and Kazuya likes this Jin. “You looked so fragile back then. Even up to now, too. I didn’t want to hurt you. I was satisfied with being your big brother who would secretly protect you from bullies or any fuckers out there. Everytime I would see someone picking on you, I would silently plot their slow and painful death but who was I kidding? I wasn’t strong. I couldn’t do anything to help you. I was scared. When you constantly came home with bruises on your cheeks and scrapes on your elbows, mom and dad were definitely worried. They became overprotective that all the cared about is you.”
Kazuya could see Jin’s eyes getting teary but he didn’t dare interrupt him. This was his time and he wouldn’t interfere. “You had their attention, Kazu. And somehow, they forgot that they have another son. That there is someone named Jin who exists. I’m their real son for fuck’s sake! I was mad, no, I was furious. Believe me, Kazu, I don’t hate you. I am jealous, very jealous. The love and attention our parents are giving you was supposed to be mine. I thought it wasn’t as complicated as it seems, baby bro. Because, yes, I was jealous and I thought that’s that. But no, it had to be fucking complicated and wrong!”
“Jin, why don’t yo—”
“No!”Jin cut him off before he could even finish what he was saying. “Let me speak. I want to fucking get this out of my fucking chest!” his breathing was heavy and Kazuya noticed his trembling figure. He wanted to hug him and say it’s okay but he figured it would ruin the moment so he opted to wait. “I was jealous for the wrong reason. I was so fucking jealous because I know I could take care of you like how mom and dad does. I know I could protect you like how your middle school hero does! I was jealous because I want you. I want you, Kazu. I love you. I fucking love you so fucking much I couldn’t take it anymore. It’s wrong. This is wrong. And fuck. You don’t feel the same way.” Jin’s almost hysterical laugh surprised Kazuya out of his wits but he kept his cool. “How fucked up am I, huh, brother?”
-
Running away wasn’t the best option. It was never an option. He wasn’t supposed to. He was a sissy alright. And holy shit, he actually felt like going back. His mind is as messed up as Jin’s.
Holy crap.
“Very fucked up…” he whispered as he chugged down his third bottle of beer. Ah, life.
He was never irresponsible when it comes to alcohol but this was different. He felt like it was alright to let loose and get ridiculously drunk.
Apparently, it was not a good idea…at all.
Hangover was the worst thing he could have early in the morning. And a whining Junnosuke asking for food is making it even worse. “Not now monster, get lost!” he groaned, shooing away the child-at-heart from his room.
“Fine. But someone’s here to see you.”
Kazuya wasn’t given a chance to ask who it was as Jin stepped in the room. He couldn’t even react properly because his head hurts like hell and man, since when did it get so stuffy in there?
“I heard you’re having the worst hangover ever. Here, I brought you hangover soup.” He carefully accepted the soup from his brother and gulped it down hurriedly. It didn’t matter who made the thing, as long as his hangover would disappear, he’s fine with it.
The bed dipped and before he could even register what was going on, he felt Jin lying down beside him, taking a hold of his hand. He wanted to pull away but he didn’t have the heart to. “Look, Jin, this whole thing…I don’t think it would work out between us. I mean, we’re brothers.”
“I know. I’m not asking for anything else, Kazu. All I want is to be by your side and just let me love you. I know it’s cheesy as shit but just let me.” Jin laughed, tightening his hold on Kazuya’s hand. “I bet your boyfriend won’t be pleased.”
“Oh. Uhh…yes, of course.”
“I’m disgusting, aren’t I?”
“No!” Kazuya answered quickly. Too quick in fact. “No, not at all. It’s just weird and I still can’t seem to accept everything you told me. I’ll be frank with you. The only reason I’m not pulling my hand away is because my head still hurts like shit and your hand is warm. I like it.”
Jin laughed. At least Kazuya likes holding his hand.
-
Kazuya was confused, very much confused. The whole confession was bugging him and he was slowly losing his sanity. “Oh Heechul hyung help me!”
Heechul did a double take at the male running towards him. “What did you just call me?”
Kazuya beamed. “Hyung*. I called you that, didn’t I?”
“Yah! How did you…”
“You said you missed speaking your native tongue so I did some self-studying and man, Korean is hard huh.”
“I’ll be glad to teach you then! And that will be our secret language.”
Kazuya didn’t know what possessed him to tell Heechul everything. He was scared though. He didn’t know how Heechul would react but there’s a possibility that he would find it inappropriate in which it really is but that’s besides the point.
The moment Heechul stared at him for ten minutes straight, he knew something was wrong. And indeed, Heechul didn’t quite know what to say. “I don’t really…you know I…well…man, that’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life and frankly, I have no idea what to tell you. But dude, he’s your brother. That’s just, I don’t know…wrong?” Heechul scoffed. “Of course it’s wrong! How could you…do you like him back?”
“As far as I’m aware, I don’t. Well, I do like him because he’s my brother but more than that, I don’t think so.”
“Sucks for him then. Watcha gonna do now?”
He playfully punched Heechul in the arm as a pout formed his lips. “You think I would tell you this just for the sake of telling you? Of course I’m asking you for help.”
“But I have no freaking clue. Why don’t you just…oh for fuck’s sake boyfriend just dump him and go back home!”
-
It was wrong in every sense of the word. It was morally, legally, in every aspect, wrong. But he couldn’t hide the fact that his stomach does somersaults everytime Jin tries to touch him. It’s been more than a week since the rollercoaster of events happened and he thinks…he thinks, maybe, being selfish just this once would be worth it. Maybe, if he does what he truly wants then maybe, maybe he’ll feel like the risk he’s gonna take is something he would not regret in the future.
Kazuya’s head snapped up to gawk at a panicking Junnosuke running towards him. “Shitshitshitshitshit…” he could hear him mumble. He looked at Heechul who shrugged in return, not knowing what has gotten in Junnosuke’s balls. “Jin…he…he’s at the hospital. He…he got hit by a car and you have to go to the hospital right now because Koki told Toma who told me Jin was looking for you before he passed out so get your ass out of there and go to the hospital now!”
A moment of panic struck through him. He tried to move but he couldn’t. His feet stayed rooted on the ground and it was only when he felt himself being dragged away that he did snap out of his reverie. “You gasped. We’re glad you’re alive. I’ll drive you to the hospital. Get in the car.”
The whole car ride was terrible. Kazuya kept on fidgeting and Heechul couldn’t tell him how annoying he was being, the guy was worried enough. “How could you even drive here when you don’t have a license?” But Junnosuke was being more irritating than Kazuya and Heechul definitely doesn’t appreciate the noise that is Junnosuke.
“My friend, there’s this thing called an international license. Now, please shut up before I kick you out of that car seat.”
Needless to say, Junnosuke shut up. Heechul snickered and Kazuya was almost in tears.
-
“Mom, don’t cry. I’ll pack his things.” Kazuya said silently as he watched their mom walk out of the hospital room in tears.
He stared at the white hospital bed that was once occupied and lightly traced the bed sheet with his finger. “Why are you molesting the sheets?”
Kazuya chuckled softly, looking up to see Jin enter the room in his crutches. “It’s been three months huh? How are your legs?”
Jin shrugged. “Doing well, I guess. Therapy helps, but not so much. My legs still hurt when it’s cold and the metal rod inside is definitely so not cool.”
“Mom was crying. She was happy you’re going back home.”
“Are you? Are you happy I’m going back and are you going back home, too? It’s been three months. I missed you. I read it, Kazu…” Jin’s smile was so beautiful and Kazuya would jump off a cliff just to see that smile everyday. “…It was beautiful. And I’m happy.”
A tinge of red decorated Kazuya’s face but that didn’t stop him from walking up to Jin, cup his cheeks, trace and adore every feature of his face and pull him for a passionate kiss. “I like you too, brother.” He managed to say in between kisses. “And what mom and dad don’t know won’t hurt, right?”
Jin chuckled, trying to keep himself steady as his body got pressed on the wall. “Right, brother.”
-
“Hey! There are loose ends on your story! Like, why were you in an accident? What was it from boyfriend that you read?” demanded Heechul as he made himself more comfortable in the lap of a certain Chinese man.
Jin chuckled, sipping on his wine. “It’s been ten years, Heechul. You still call him that? And if you insist, it was a letter of love declaration. I was as home, sulking, when the mail man came and delivered the letter.”
“What are you guys talking about?” Kazuya entered the living room with a tray of pastries in his hands. He settled down beside Jin who wrapped an arm around his waist.
Heechul grinned. “Good times.”
“Good times?”
“Yes, boyfriend, good times. Now, where were we? Ah, a few months after you told me you two were dating I had to go back Korea and although I kept in touch with you, you refused to tell me anything unless I fly back here just to ask you stuff in person. And now that I’m here, with my Chinese man, spill it.”
The Chinese man squirmed in his seat and Heechul half-heartedly removed himself from his lap and into the space beside Han Geng. “Thanks, love.”
Jin stared at the couple, confused and Kazuya did him a favor and translated the sentence for him. “You know Korean?” asked the surprised older male.
Kazuya nodded. “Heechul hyung taught me.”
Heechul cleared his throat, getting the couple’s attention. He’s an attention whore like that. “So…your parents…”
It was a sensitive issue but they figured it’s about time to let it go and move on. Their mom was diagnosed with breast cancer just a few years back and passed away a year later. Their father was very much depressed at the situation and went away to travel around the world. It was ridiculous, as Jin had put it but Kazuya knew it was their father’s way of distracting himself from his spouse’s death so they let him be. And just a week earlier, they got a postcard from their dad saying how he’s having a good time in Bora Bora.
They are happy, everyone around them is happy and that’s all that matters.
Life was totally good.
highskool dropout
Pairing: Akanishi/Kamenashi
Genre: drama ; romance ; au!highschool
Rating: PG-13
Length: 5/5
Summary: All Kazuya wanted was for Jin to accept him as his brother. But Jin is intent in making his life miserable.
›› 01 | 02 | 03 | 04
-
Please stay by my side
“I was kidding okay! I knew you weren’t listening to me. I just had to get your attention. Fuck. What is it with you and your slapping spree?”
Kazuya avoided eye contact with Jin, embarrassed. His hand had a life of its own and once Jin blurted out that too-lame-of-a-confession confession, he lost it. It was ridiculous. Jin was ridiculous.
“You’re ridiculous,” the embarrassed male voiced out, regaining his dignity. “Can’t you be serious just this once?”
After briefly nursing his abused cheek, Jin managed to let out a sad smile. And that smile caused a pang in Kazuya’s heart, for real. “Mom and dad…they miss you like crazy and they begged, you hear me man, begged. They begged me to check if you’re doing well and apparently, you are. So well that you even had to slap me so hard.”
“Shut your trap, Jin. I miss them too, so bad. But if we keep on fighting like this, I don’t think I’ll come back home anytime soon.”
“Is it really me?” the way Jin said it was from the arrogant and self-centered Jin he knows. And he wondered what he’s trying to pull this time. “I mean, it’s not like I wanna keep bickering with you. You never gave me a chance to explain. Well, you did, but you overreacted even before I could actually explain my side. That was unfair you know.”
He could feel the longing in Jin’s voice but…what was he longing for?
“Clearly,” Kazuya gulped, not knowing why he was suddenly sweating like mad. “You and I need to talk…civilly. We’ll straighten things out, tie up loose ends and hopefully, reconcile.”
“Right. I can do that. But,” Jin scanned the place, eyeing something at the far end of the living room. “Are you sure it’s okay to talk here? Because there’s a certain someone trying to be a peeping tom.”
Knowing who the other was talking about, Kazuya half-heartedly handed Junnosuke a couple of bucks to get out of his own house and leave them for a few hours. Junnosuke happily complies because there’s a newly-opened ice cream parlor a couple blocks away and he heard it’s some awesome sauce.
-
Both didn’t think it would be awkward. They have never been in this situation before, therefore, no one knew how to act in situations like this. Being the older one, Jin initiated the conversation. “When I said your presence infuriates me, it was true.” Jin saw how Kazuya stiffened but he tried to ignore it. “I mean, you were brought home one day saying you’ll be my little brother. I was happy, for real. I tried to get close to you but I couldn’t even get close to you, literally, because I thought if I touch you, I would hurt you.”
This was definitely a new side of Jin. This Jin was sincere and Kazuya likes this Jin. “You looked so fragile back then. Even up to now, too. I didn’t want to hurt you. I was satisfied with being your big brother who would secretly protect you from bullies or any fuckers out there. Everytime I would see someone picking on you, I would silently plot their slow and painful death but who was I kidding? I wasn’t strong. I couldn’t do anything to help you. I was scared. When you constantly came home with bruises on your cheeks and scrapes on your elbows, mom and dad were definitely worried. They became overprotective that all the cared about is you.”
Kazuya could see Jin’s eyes getting teary but he didn’t dare interrupt him. This was his time and he wouldn’t interfere. “You had their attention, Kazu. And somehow, they forgot that they have another son. That there is someone named Jin who exists. I’m their real son for fuck’s sake! I was mad, no, I was furious. Believe me, Kazu, I don’t hate you. I am jealous, very jealous. The love and attention our parents are giving you was supposed to be mine. I thought it wasn’t as complicated as it seems, baby bro. Because, yes, I was jealous and I thought that’s that. But no, it had to be fucking complicated and wrong!”
“Jin, why don’t yo—”
“No!”Jin cut him off before he could even finish what he was saying. “Let me speak. I want to fucking get this out of my fucking chest!” his breathing was heavy and Kazuya noticed his trembling figure. He wanted to hug him and say it’s okay but he figured it would ruin the moment so he opted to wait. “I was jealous for the wrong reason. I was so fucking jealous because I know I could take care of you like how mom and dad does. I know I could protect you like how your middle school hero does! I was jealous because I want you. I want you, Kazu. I love you. I fucking love you so fucking much I couldn’t take it anymore. It’s wrong. This is wrong. And fuck. You don’t feel the same way.” Jin’s almost hysterical laugh surprised Kazuya out of his wits but he kept his cool. “How fucked up am I, huh, brother?”
-
Running away wasn’t the best option. It was never an option. He wasn’t supposed to. He was a sissy alright. And holy shit, he actually felt like going back. His mind is as messed up as Jin’s.
Holy crap.
“Very fucked up…” he whispered as he chugged down his third bottle of beer. Ah, life.
He was never irresponsible when it comes to alcohol but this was different. He felt like it was alright to let loose and get ridiculously drunk.
Apparently, it was not a good idea…at all.
Hangover was the worst thing he could have early in the morning. And a whining Junnosuke asking for food is making it even worse. “Not now monster, get lost!” he groaned, shooing away the child-at-heart from his room.
“Fine. But someone’s here to see you.”
Kazuya wasn’t given a chance to ask who it was as Jin stepped in the room. He couldn’t even react properly because his head hurts like hell and man, since when did it get so stuffy in there?
“I heard you’re having the worst hangover ever. Here, I brought you hangover soup.” He carefully accepted the soup from his brother and gulped it down hurriedly. It didn’t matter who made the thing, as long as his hangover would disappear, he’s fine with it.
The bed dipped and before he could even register what was going on, he felt Jin lying down beside him, taking a hold of his hand. He wanted to pull away but he didn’t have the heart to. “Look, Jin, this whole thing…I don’t think it would work out between us. I mean, we’re brothers.”
“I know. I’m not asking for anything else, Kazu. All I want is to be by your side and just let me love you. I know it’s cheesy as shit but just let me.” Jin laughed, tightening his hold on Kazuya’s hand. “I bet your boyfriend won’t be pleased.”
“Oh. Uhh…yes, of course.”
“I’m disgusting, aren’t I?”
“No!” Kazuya answered quickly. Too quick in fact. “No, not at all. It’s just weird and I still can’t seem to accept everything you told me. I’ll be frank with you. The only reason I’m not pulling my hand away is because my head still hurts like shit and your hand is warm. I like it.”
Jin laughed. At least Kazuya likes holding his hand.
-
Kazuya was confused, very much confused. The whole confession was bugging him and he was slowly losing his sanity. “Oh Heechul hyung help me!”
Heechul did a double take at the male running towards him. “What did you just call me?”
Kazuya beamed. “Hyung*. I called you that, didn’t I?”
“Yah! How did you…”
“You said you missed speaking your native tongue so I did some self-studying and man, Korean is hard huh.”
“I’ll be glad to teach you then! And that will be our secret language.”
Kazuya didn’t know what possessed him to tell Heechul everything. He was scared though. He didn’t know how Heechul would react but there’s a possibility that he would find it inappropriate in which it really is but that’s besides the point.
The moment Heechul stared at him for ten minutes straight, he knew something was wrong. And indeed, Heechul didn’t quite know what to say. “I don’t really…you know I…well…man, that’s the strangest thing I’ve ever heard in my entire life and frankly, I have no idea what to tell you. But dude, he’s your brother. That’s just, I don’t know…wrong?” Heechul scoffed. “Of course it’s wrong! How could you…do you like him back?”
“As far as I’m aware, I don’t. Well, I do like him because he’s my brother but more than that, I don’t think so.”
“Sucks for him then. Watcha gonna do now?”
He playfully punched Heechul in the arm as a pout formed his lips. “You think I would tell you this just for the sake of telling you? Of course I’m asking you for help.”
“But I have no freaking clue. Why don’t you just…oh for fuck’s sake boyfriend just dump him and go back home!”
-
It was wrong in every sense of the word. It was morally, legally, in every aspect, wrong. But he couldn’t hide the fact that his stomach does somersaults everytime Jin tries to touch him. It’s been more than a week since the rollercoaster of events happened and he thinks…he thinks, maybe, being selfish just this once would be worth it. Maybe, if he does what he truly wants then maybe, maybe he’ll feel like the risk he’s gonna take is something he would not regret in the future.
Kazuya’s head snapped up to gawk at a panicking Junnosuke running towards him. “Shitshitshitshitshit…” he could hear him mumble. He looked at Heechul who shrugged in return, not knowing what has gotten in Junnosuke’s balls. “Jin…he…he’s at the hospital. He…he got hit by a car and you have to go to the hospital right now because Koki told Toma who told me Jin was looking for you before he passed out so get your ass out of there and go to the hospital now!”
A moment of panic struck through him. He tried to move but he couldn’t. His feet stayed rooted on the ground and it was only when he felt himself being dragged away that he did snap out of his reverie. “You gasped. We’re glad you’re alive. I’ll drive you to the hospital. Get in the car.”
The whole car ride was terrible. Kazuya kept on fidgeting and Heechul couldn’t tell him how annoying he was being, the guy was worried enough. “How could you even drive here when you don’t have a license?” But Junnosuke was being more irritating than Kazuya and Heechul definitely doesn’t appreciate the noise that is Junnosuke.
“My friend, there’s this thing called an international license. Now, please shut up before I kick you out of that car seat.”
Needless to say, Junnosuke shut up. Heechul snickered and Kazuya was almost in tears.
-
“Mom, don’t cry. I’ll pack his things.” Kazuya said silently as he watched their mom walk out of the hospital room in tears.
He stared at the white hospital bed that was once occupied and lightly traced the bed sheet with his finger. “Why are you molesting the sheets?”
Kazuya chuckled softly, looking up to see Jin enter the room in his crutches. “It’s been three months huh? How are your legs?”
Jin shrugged. “Doing well, I guess. Therapy helps, but not so much. My legs still hurt when it’s cold and the metal rod inside is definitely so not cool.”
“Mom was crying. She was happy you’re going back home.”
“Are you? Are you happy I’m going back and are you going back home, too? It’s been three months. I missed you. I read it, Kazu…” Jin’s smile was so beautiful and Kazuya would jump off a cliff just to see that smile everyday. “…It was beautiful. And I’m happy.”
A tinge of red decorated Kazuya’s face but that didn’t stop him from walking up to Jin, cup his cheeks, trace and adore every feature of his face and pull him for a passionate kiss. “I like you too, brother.” He managed to say in between kisses. “And what mom and dad don’t know won’t hurt, right?”
Jin chuckled, trying to keep himself steady as his body got pressed on the wall. “Right, brother.”
-
“Hey! There are loose ends on your story! Like, why were you in an accident? What was it from boyfriend that you read?” demanded Heechul as he made himself more comfortable in the lap of a certain Chinese man.
Jin chuckled, sipping on his wine. “It’s been ten years, Heechul. You still call him that? And if you insist, it was a letter of love declaration. I was as home, sulking, when the mail man came and delivered the letter.”
“What are you guys talking about?” Kazuya entered the living room with a tray of pastries in his hands. He settled down beside Jin who wrapped an arm around his waist.
Heechul grinned. “Good times.”
“Good times?”
“Yes, boyfriend, good times. Now, where were we? Ah, a few months after you told me you two were dating I had to go back Korea and although I kept in touch with you, you refused to tell me anything unless I fly back here just to ask you stuff in person. And now that I’m here, with my Chinese man, spill it.”
The Chinese man squirmed in his seat and Heechul half-heartedly removed himself from his lap and into the space beside Han Geng. “Thanks, love.”
Jin stared at the couple, confused and Kazuya did him a favor and translated the sentence for him. “You know Korean?” asked the surprised older male.
Kazuya nodded. “Heechul hyung taught me.”
Heechul cleared his throat, getting the couple’s attention. He’s an attention whore like that. “So…your parents…”
It was a sensitive issue but they figured it’s about time to let it go and move on. Their mom was diagnosed with breast cancer just a few years back and passed away a year later. Their father was very much depressed at the situation and went away to travel around the world. It was ridiculous, as Jin had put it but Kazuya knew it was their father’s way of distracting himself from his spouse’s death so they let him be. And just a week earlier, they got a postcard from their dad saying how he’s having a good time in Bora Bora.
They are happy, everyone around them is happy and that’s all that matters.
Life was totally good.
highskool dropout
no subject
Thanks for the fic!
no subject