lunacy. emptiness. panic. delusion. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
kingheechul) wrote2013-03-11 05:55 am
kingheechul) wrote2013-03-11 05:55 am
stepping into your heart {nineteen}
stepping into your heart
yoochun/junsu, yoochun/gahee, yunho/jaejoong
drama, romance ; pg13 ; 19/?
After a painful break up, Yoochun seeks solace from his best friend, Junsu who finally confesses his love for him. He takes the confession as a joke and goes on sulking in his own pain. But the longer he's crashing at his best friend's house, stumbling onto the most weird situations, and a few more confessions, Yoochun slowly develops a strong, unknown feeling for Junsu. As he finally made up his mind, Gahee comes back.
{ ah btw, hello? this fic is back D: sorry if i seem to have abandoned this together with the other unfinished fics. i'll try hard to finish all of them. tell me what you think. and and...this chapter ended on a happy note. which was far from what i imagined. i wanted it to be really angsty but i really dont have the heart to break them apart ;3; }
yoochun/junsu, yoochun/gahee, yunho/jaejoong
drama, romance ; pg13 ; 19/?
After a painful break up, Yoochun seeks solace from his best friend, Junsu who finally confesses his love for him. He takes the confession as a joke and goes on sulking in his own pain. But the longer he's crashing at his best friend's house, stumbling onto the most weird situations, and a few more confessions, Yoochun slowly develops a strong, unknown feeling for Junsu. As he finally made up his mind, Gahee comes back.
The last thing he would want to do is lie to Yoochun so as much as it makes him unbelievably nervous, he's determined to tell him the truth once and for all. It's Yoochun's day off and there would be no Gahee in the way so yes, perfect timing. Perfect timing baby. He thought about it. He really did. He even thought of consulting Jaejoong first but that wouldn't be a good idea. If he wanted things to get even more complicated, then telling Jaejoong would sound very appealing.
You can do this Junsu, fighting! He gave himself a pat on the back then walked out of their room, making his way to the living room where Yoochun was busy doing what seemed to be like...nothing. Said busy man looked up to see Junsu approaching him and smiled, opening his arms as he offered his lap for the other who gladly complied.
"So you finally realized that I'm much more important than your book?" Yoochun teased, resting his chin on the nervous man's shoulder as he pulled him closer by the waist. Junsu chuckled, albeit forced. That didn't go unnoticed. "What's wrong, babe?"
"You know I love you, right?"
Yoochun frowned a bit. "Of course. Is there something wrong?" He knew it was a yes when Junsu pulled away from his hold and settled down the space beside him, taking his hands in his, squeezing it gently.
"I...I've been wanting to tell you this but I just can't find the right timing. And I don't have that much courage to do so. You might hate me for this, too which is what I'm afraid of. But first, can you promise me that you won't doubt my love for you?"
Yoochun nodded without thinking. He knew this wasn't good news and he wanted Junsu to just get on with it. Junsu stared at him and he nodded one more time. "I promise."
"I cheated on you." Junsu shut his eyes, waiting for the other to explode in anger, disappointment, anything. He wouldn't be surprised if Yoochun hit, slapped or punched him.
But nothing came.
Cracking an eye open, he gasped. What he saw wasn't a fuming Yoochun. Instead, it was a crying one. "C-chunnie...can I explain?" he said slowly, holding onto the other's hands tightly, not wanting to let go. "Please hear me out. It was unintentional. It was a mistake. Believe me when I say that, please. I...we...t-the person I slept with didn't want it to happen either. I honestly don't know what came over me. I was drunk. I...I really don't know Chunnie, I'm so sorry. I thought I could keep this to myself forever but I just couldn't lie to you. I felt so horrible. I knew I had to say it, so I did." he looked at him with pleading eyes. "Say something, please. I love you so much."
Yoochun pulled his hands away from Junsu's and wiped his tears. "I really don't know what to say." he replied. "More than anything, I'm hurt. But I do believe you. I know you wouldn't cheat on me because you wanted to. I appreciate you telling me this. However," Junsu stiffened. He probably wouldn't like what's coming next. "I think we need some time off. I need time, for myself...to think. We can talk about this when I'm sure that I won't be saying hurtful things to you because right now, I just can't do this."
"Chunnie...please... don't--"
"I forgive you because I love you. But forgetting...that's a different story."
Sobs were heard as Yoochun stood up from the couch. Junsu grabbed his hand to stop him but Yoochun snatched his hand back. That hurts. "I'm sorry baby. I really am. Forgive me, please?"
"I'll be staying at my apartment for a few days."
Junsu's head shot up, his red and puffy eyes staring at Yoochun's identical ones. "But Gahee..."
"I can deal with her."
"Chunnie..."
"Junsu, please. Just let me."
"I love you."
"You should've thought of that before you started doing something stupid."
That night, Junsu cried himself to sleep.
There were a lot of things running through Yoochun's mind. Questions. To be completely honest, he was close to shouting profanities at Junsu but he knew that it would only make things worse. Despite the fact that the person he loves the most cheated on him, he was thankful that Junsu was sensible enough to not keep it from him. It wasn't easy to come out like that knowing what the consequences might be. He was, sort of, proud of his baby. His baby. Of course he couldn't hide the fact that he was a bit jealous of the other man. Junsu was his. He was supposed to get his hands on him first (not that he would let anyone else touch him).
He stared at the ceiling of his - own - bedroom, thinking. He misses Junsu. But he needed time to think. Think of things he would want to ask him. He has the right to question him after all. He wanted to understand why.
Being away from Junsu, he realized, was pure torture. He just wanted to run back to their now shared apartment and hug Junsu real tight. The questions could wait. He needs Junsu. He needed him bad. And so he did was his heart told him to do...to go back home.
"Shit!" he cursed inwardly as he remembered that he didn't have the key with him. It was way past two in the morning and Junsu's probably sleeping already. He didn't want to be inconsiderate and wake him up but hey, Junsu would love snuggling in bed with him more than a pillow. He banged the door as loud as he could and almost knocked his, for the lack of better word, shitty looking boyfriend in the head. "Junsu!" he almost shouted, instantly pulling him in his arms. "Don't ask. We'll talk tomorrow. Come on, it's time for bed."
That same night, Junsu fell asleep for the second time with a small smile on his face.
It was awkward. For Junsu at least. They were in the dining room having breakfast. Yoochun refused to speak a word as he prepared breakfast for them both. He would send him glances every now and then as he cooked but Yoochun kept his eyes on the newspaper. They both decided to call in sick because last night had been a blur and they needed to talk while they're both sane. They definitely wouldn't let this shit ruin them. "So..." Junsu started, putting his cup of coffee down the table.
Yoochun looked up from his plate and cleared his throat. "I have some things to ask you, Su." The other nodded, urging him to go on. "I'm pretty sure you were under the influence of alcohol or something else when you did that, right?"
"Yes. Remember when I had the hangover? It was that time."
"Why? Why were you drinking? What was your reason?"
"Uhm...you see, I was frustrated with you that time." Yoochun pushed his plate away, deciding that he wasn't hungry anymore. He had his arms crossed on his chest as he looked at Junsu thoughtfully. "You were busy, Yoochun. Too busy to notice me. I admit, that was very immature because I knew how much you liked taking photos so it was very childish of me to be jealous over that. I didn't realize that back then because I was convinced that your camera is much more important than I am so when you looked for me, and found me, I felt like I was being a pain in the ass. That I was some kid that you had to look after."
"You know that's not true."
"You don't know the feeling, Chun. You don't understand how I felt. Stupid. I felt really stupid. I thought that you were forced to have feelings for me because you didn't want to hurt me."
"Again, you know that's not true."
"Then what was I supposed to think?!" Junsu snapped, slamming his fists on the table. "You made it clear that you still had feelings for Gahee. Tell me Yoochun, tell me. Was I wrong for feeling that way?" he was holding back his tears. He didn't want to break down. Being a crying mess wouldn't really help him right now.
Yoochun, too, held back. He resisted the urge to just take Junsu in his arms and tell him that it's okay because no, this is not okay. Not when they have issues they need to fix.
"Okay, I don't understand. And I'm sorry. But no baby, it wasn't wrong to feel that way." he reached out and held Junsu's hand, lacing their fingers. "I guess I was too busy figuring out my feelings that I somehow neglected yours." Junsu nodded. "But that was before, Su. Now, I am sure of my feelings. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. And no one, not Gahee, not this mistake, nothing could make me love you less."
Yoochun, much to Junsu's surprise, was incredibly understanding.
"I love you too Chunnie, I really do." he looked at him as lovingly as he could. "And you can trust me. You have no idea how much I regret doing that. I would never do anything to hurt you anymore. You can trust me on that."
"I know, Su. I know." Yoochun smiled softly. "Is there anything else we need to talk about?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not implying that you're hiding something else from me. It's just that, now that we're talking, I think we should talk about our issues, too."
Junsu blinked. "Do we have any more issues?"
"I honestly don't know. That's why I'm asking you."
"Well, I'm all good now. But I have a question and I don't know if you'd like it."
"Try me."
Junsu took a deep breath and spoke. "I cheated on you. And...and Gahee did, too. You don't think I'm becoming like her, do you?"
Yoochun shook his head. "No babe, not at all. You see, she did it on purpose and you didn't. And I trust you. I know I can hold on to your words." If it was possible, Junsu's heart would've done somersaults at his response. And because it's not physically possible for his heart to do that, Junsu just settled for something else. He threw himself at Yoochun who gladly caught him with a huge smile on his face.
You can do this Junsu, fighting! He gave himself a pat on the back then walked out of their room, making his way to the living room where Yoochun was busy doing what seemed to be like...nothing. Said busy man looked up to see Junsu approaching him and smiled, opening his arms as he offered his lap for the other who gladly complied.
"So you finally realized that I'm much more important than your book?" Yoochun teased, resting his chin on the nervous man's shoulder as he pulled him closer by the waist. Junsu chuckled, albeit forced. That didn't go unnoticed. "What's wrong, babe?"
"You know I love you, right?"
Yoochun frowned a bit. "Of course. Is there something wrong?" He knew it was a yes when Junsu pulled away from his hold and settled down the space beside him, taking his hands in his, squeezing it gently.
"I...I've been wanting to tell you this but I just can't find the right timing. And I don't have that much courage to do so. You might hate me for this, too which is what I'm afraid of. But first, can you promise me that you won't doubt my love for you?"
Yoochun nodded without thinking. He knew this wasn't good news and he wanted Junsu to just get on with it. Junsu stared at him and he nodded one more time. "I promise."
"I cheated on you." Junsu shut his eyes, waiting for the other to explode in anger, disappointment, anything. He wouldn't be surprised if Yoochun hit, slapped or punched him.
But nothing came.
Cracking an eye open, he gasped. What he saw wasn't a fuming Yoochun. Instead, it was a crying one. "C-chunnie...can I explain?" he said slowly, holding onto the other's hands tightly, not wanting to let go. "Please hear me out. It was unintentional. It was a mistake. Believe me when I say that, please. I...we...t-the person I slept with didn't want it to happen either. I honestly don't know what came over me. I was drunk. I...I really don't know Chunnie, I'm so sorry. I thought I could keep this to myself forever but I just couldn't lie to you. I felt so horrible. I knew I had to say it, so I did." he looked at him with pleading eyes. "Say something, please. I love you so much."
Yoochun pulled his hands away from Junsu's and wiped his tears. "I really don't know what to say." he replied. "More than anything, I'm hurt. But I do believe you. I know you wouldn't cheat on me because you wanted to. I appreciate you telling me this. However," Junsu stiffened. He probably wouldn't like what's coming next. "I think we need some time off. I need time, for myself...to think. We can talk about this when I'm sure that I won't be saying hurtful things to you because right now, I just can't do this."
"Chunnie...please... don't--"
"I forgive you because I love you. But forgetting...that's a different story."
Sobs were heard as Yoochun stood up from the couch. Junsu grabbed his hand to stop him but Yoochun snatched his hand back. That hurts. "I'm sorry baby. I really am. Forgive me, please?"
"I'll be staying at my apartment for a few days."
Junsu's head shot up, his red and puffy eyes staring at Yoochun's identical ones. "But Gahee..."
"I can deal with her."
"Chunnie..."
"Junsu, please. Just let me."
"I love you."
"You should've thought of that before you started doing something stupid."
That night, Junsu cried himself to sleep.
There were a lot of things running through Yoochun's mind. Questions. To be completely honest, he was close to shouting profanities at Junsu but he knew that it would only make things worse. Despite the fact that the person he loves the most cheated on him, he was thankful that Junsu was sensible enough to not keep it from him. It wasn't easy to come out like that knowing what the consequences might be. He was, sort of, proud of his baby. His baby. Of course he couldn't hide the fact that he was a bit jealous of the other man. Junsu was his. He was supposed to get his hands on him first (not that he would let anyone else touch him).
He stared at the ceiling of his - own - bedroom, thinking. He misses Junsu. But he needed time to think. Think of things he would want to ask him. He has the right to question him after all. He wanted to understand why.
Being away from Junsu, he realized, was pure torture. He just wanted to run back to their now shared apartment and hug Junsu real tight. The questions could wait. He needs Junsu. He needed him bad. And so he did was his heart told him to do...to go back home.
"Shit!" he cursed inwardly as he remembered that he didn't have the key with him. It was way past two in the morning and Junsu's probably sleeping already. He didn't want to be inconsiderate and wake him up but hey, Junsu would love snuggling in bed with him more than a pillow. He banged the door as loud as he could and almost knocked his, for the lack of better word, shitty looking boyfriend in the head. "Junsu!" he almost shouted, instantly pulling him in his arms. "Don't ask. We'll talk tomorrow. Come on, it's time for bed."
That same night, Junsu fell asleep for the second time with a small smile on his face.
It was awkward. For Junsu at least. They were in the dining room having breakfast. Yoochun refused to speak a word as he prepared breakfast for them both. He would send him glances every now and then as he cooked but Yoochun kept his eyes on the newspaper. They both decided to call in sick because last night had been a blur and they needed to talk while they're both sane. They definitely wouldn't let this shit ruin them. "So..." Junsu started, putting his cup of coffee down the table.
Yoochun looked up from his plate and cleared his throat. "I have some things to ask you, Su." The other nodded, urging him to go on. "I'm pretty sure you were under the influence of alcohol or something else when you did that, right?"
"Yes. Remember when I had the hangover? It was that time."
"Why? Why were you drinking? What was your reason?"
"Uhm...you see, I was frustrated with you that time." Yoochun pushed his plate away, deciding that he wasn't hungry anymore. He had his arms crossed on his chest as he looked at Junsu thoughtfully. "You were busy, Yoochun. Too busy to notice me. I admit, that was very immature because I knew how much you liked taking photos so it was very childish of me to be jealous over that. I didn't realize that back then because I was convinced that your camera is much more important than I am so when you looked for me, and found me, I felt like I was being a pain in the ass. That I was some kid that you had to look after."
"You know that's not true."
"You don't know the feeling, Chun. You don't understand how I felt. Stupid. I felt really stupid. I thought that you were forced to have feelings for me because you didn't want to hurt me."
"Again, you know that's not true."
"Then what was I supposed to think?!" Junsu snapped, slamming his fists on the table. "You made it clear that you still had feelings for Gahee. Tell me Yoochun, tell me. Was I wrong for feeling that way?" he was holding back his tears. He didn't want to break down. Being a crying mess wouldn't really help him right now.
Yoochun, too, held back. He resisted the urge to just take Junsu in his arms and tell him that it's okay because no, this is not okay. Not when they have issues they need to fix.
"Okay, I don't understand. And I'm sorry. But no baby, it wasn't wrong to feel that way." he reached out and held Junsu's hand, lacing their fingers. "I guess I was too busy figuring out my feelings that I somehow neglected yours." Junsu nodded. "But that was before, Su. Now, I am sure of my feelings. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. And no one, not Gahee, not this mistake, nothing could make me love you less."
Yoochun, much to Junsu's surprise, was incredibly understanding.
"I love you too Chunnie, I really do." he looked at him as lovingly as he could. "And you can trust me. You have no idea how much I regret doing that. I would never do anything to hurt you anymore. You can trust me on that."
"I know, Su. I know." Yoochun smiled softly. "Is there anything else we need to talk about?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm not implying that you're hiding something else from me. It's just that, now that we're talking, I think we should talk about our issues, too."
Junsu blinked. "Do we have any more issues?"
"I honestly don't know. That's why I'm asking you."
"Well, I'm all good now. But I have a question and I don't know if you'd like it."
"Try me."
Junsu took a deep breath and spoke. "I cheated on you. And...and Gahee did, too. You don't think I'm becoming like her, do you?"
Yoochun shook his head. "No babe, not at all. You see, she did it on purpose and you didn't. And I trust you. I know I can hold on to your words." If it was possible, Junsu's heart would've done somersaults at his response. And because it's not physically possible for his heart to do that, Junsu just settled for something else. He threw himself at Yoochun who gladly caught him with a huge smile on his face.
{ ah btw, hello? this fic is back D: sorry if i seem to have abandoned this together with the other unfinished fics. i'll try hard to finish all of them. tell me what you think. and and...this chapter ended on a happy note. which was far from what i imagined. i wanted it to be really angsty but i really dont have the heart to break them apart ;3; }
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thank you for updating
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it's backkkk~
atleast junsu told yoochun what happened ~ yoochun will be more hurt if junsu keep that secret~
thank you for update ^^
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thanks for the update.. :D
off to read~
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brb to read ^^
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but it's not problem cz i can make the story in my brain *maybe?* keke
I am glad that junsu tell yoochun this, and thank you for no making this angsty hehe
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thanks for coming back <333
looking forward for more updates! *greedy me* ;p
hwaiting! and i missed ur fics :'DDD
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So, thank u for this=)
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I read ur fics on winglin
haaa I hope gahee won't disturb yoosu again ><
happy ending please~~